Three Rants Fae Dumfries.

A wee bit of daftness that, hopefully, may bring a smile in uncertain times. Three historical characters with a connection to Dumfries (Scotland, obviously!) I’m sure you’ll recognise who they are.

Three Rants frae Dumfries

i

“Ye did whit!, jist stabbed him                                                                                                                       Richt there in the Kirk!                                                                                                                                            Ye big eejit, whit were ye thinkin!                                                                                                                      Ye ken whit yon English are like.

He’s no richt deed!, ach gae me yer dirk,
A’ll mac siccar, an waash yer hauns.
Honest tae Goad Rab, whit next!
Ye’ll be waantin tae be King o Scoatland!”


ii


“Weel  then, fancy yersel  as a wordsmith?
Then min o this, yer a plooman!
An folks roond here kent  yer faither!
So ye cannae fool us aa son.

Anither thing, yer aways foo an unca happy
An hae a trail o wumin in the family way!
Cut it oot!, or mark ma wurds Rabbie,
Years hence, naebody wull mind yer name!”    


iii


“A fortune, a fortune aa spent on ye!
Sendin ye tae Dumfries fir education.
An whits this aa see afore me?
A daft wee book o waens fiction!

An ageless hero wha fancies a fairy!
A pirate wi a hook, feert o a tick-tock,
An island foo o loast boyes!, Goad Almichty!!
Tell me this Jimmy, wull ye never grow up!